Today has been quite a spectacular day. It's nice to have a whole day free to do whatever, and have the day not go as fast as it typically does. Very nice, indeed. I'm excited because I finally put together my application for the graduate certificate program in academic advising at Kansas State University. It's all online and is five extra classes. Two of the classes count as electives--even though for me only one will. The easiest way to explain it is because I should've started this certificate program earlier. It's okay... I wanted to take vocational counseling anyway. Tomorrow I will print everything at work and send it off in the mail. I'm wondering how long it'll take to hear back if I got in or not. I don't think it's a big issue about getting in. I just get anxious to know so that I can plan the future. More reading to do... outside!
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Life for now is getting more into a settled mode, I think. It's refreshing because for the past couple of weeks things have been crazy. In a few more weeks it'll be back to normal in basically every way. The book at work was really overwhelming for a little while. We sent it off to the publisher to approve some sample pages, and then when we get the go-ahead we can send the entire thing. I will be scared, but it'll be nice when it's completely off my hands. We had two graduations in the past two weeks. The old residents are done and the new ones arrive in a week. So, this week at work will be cleaning and tiding up and getting everything prepared for the new group. Once the new group starts, things will settle down quite a bit. And school started. I have yet to kind of find a schedule to get everything done. By the time class is over on Wednesday night, it basically already feels like the weekend and then I only have 1-2 days to finish reading for the next class! It
I usually fall asleep at night mad at myself that I didn't take any time during the day to just stop, look around, and smell the roses. The past few days I've been telling myself that I need to have at least one moment a day where I'm amazed at the wonder of the world. It's so hard for me to do that unless I spend time outside, unless there's some idea or fact that I learn that I'm just awed by. So, as one could guess, most days go by without any moment of wonder/awe. Today I made the good decision, however, to work out outside. It was a nice temperature--not too hot, and even a little cool when I wasn't working up a sweat. Right off the bat on the trail I got a few good whiffs of something. It smells really good and I think it was a weed and it made me appreciative that even though weeds are, well... weeds... that they're still good for something every once in a while--like a dandelion. These weeds were white and had little tiny blossoms and there wer
First day of class with my cohort group... I was so incredibly nervous! I don't know why over the past few years I've become less confident in myself and more nervous when attention is drawn to me and when I have to meet new people. It kind of sucks and I need to think more about what the correlation might be. It's like I don't feel as smart or as experienced as everyone else so I'd rather not stand out. But anyway, it went well. Lots of familiar faces thanks to facebook. Many seem to know each other fairly well, which I was kind of expecting. Dr. Mohammed seemed to kind of remember me from my application materials into the program. He mentioned Bill's name and said that he remembered his letter of recommendation. I'm wondering if it was just a fluke though because for one, Bill doesn't sign his name Bill, and for two, I went back and read Bill's letter and, although it was good, I don't know why it would stand out to someone who probably reads
True friendships are hard to come by--the ones where you feel comfortable with someone even after you haven't seen them for months, or when you just click with someone after only knowing them for a few weeks. I would say Evan is one of three relationships I have like that; the other two being with Jessica and Michele. I don't know if I'm allotted more friendships like that, though I hope so. Especially after working at BroMenn, I've realized that life is about the gray. Nothing is black and white and nothing fits perfectly into categories, no matter how messy or inconvenient that is. It's just the way life is and I'm starting to realize and appreciate and embrace that more and more.
The other night I got to thinking about what my last day at work will be like in May. I'm just so stinking anxious for it to be here. I mean, nine months will go fast... but not fast enough! I was imagining what I would say at our last lunch together because I'm sure it will be quite a reflective time and Mollie or Bill or someone will make us go around and say things about one another. (I'm so bad at things like that and this group of colleagues loves to do it.) So, in preparation for that I think I might try to write a short little poem or something about each of my colleagues so that I don't have to think of something on the fly. And I really hope that Bill doesn't leave without saying goodbye the way he did to Katie. I could tell that her feelings were severely hurt when he did that and mine would be too. I feel like, especially now, that Bill and I understand each other better, so I don't think he would do that. Who knows, though... I get overwhelmed thin
I've decided that I talk too much when I'm around my friend Michele and that I do this because she reminds me of my friend Jessica. Jessica was always the more quiet of the two of us and I would always dominate the conversation--I found this happening even recently when I visited her in Seattle. Typically I'm the more quiet person and let the other talk more, but I think that I'm so starved for a female friend that when I'm around one, it just all spills out and I can't shut up. I don't like this because then I feel insensitive and I don't want to look like I don't care about what's happening in their life because I really do. So, next time I'm around Michele or Jessica my goal is to let them do them the talking and guide the conversation while I ask the questions and listen. Classes begin in one week. I'm anxious and excited to get started, but at the same time bummed that I don't have at least a little more time to chill out befor
I made the mistake of staying at Philip's parents' house tonight after he left to go skating with his friends. Okay, it wasn't really a mistake, but I knew there would be some talk of the future with his mother when I made the decision to stay. (How could I not stay though, since Mama Bourque says, "You could always stay after he leaves, ya know... We didn't really get to visit..." Nothing like making you feel guilty. As if Philip would ever be around my family if I weren't there. That'd be like making a choice to be around them just for... fun?!) I literally sat down by her at the pool for five minutes this afternoon and she was talking about how worried about him she is. I love Joy to death--I really do--but ever since our first "break-up" I feel like any time I talk to her it's about him in that way and I just don't like it. She had the guts to look me in the face and blatantly ask me outright: "Do you see you two together
I was so bummed yesterday when I randomly looked to see what jobs Heartland had posted and saw that they are hiring an Academic Advisor II. If I would've gone to graduate school right after I graduated, I probably could've gotten that job and would be a real adult living on my own and having my own life and career. It's very disappointing to think about, even though it's been purposeful that I got hired at BroMenn and I'm so glad that I've had the opportunity to work there for the past few years. I don't know why I even still look at jobs... I'm just so ready to be done with school now that I know for sure what career I want. Le sigh...
I've been feeling very strange lately. I thought it was because of the amount of caffeine I was consuming by drinking espresso in the morning and usually some sort of pop at lunch time, but even when I don't have the espresso, I still am feeling like my heart is racing and my head is pounding. I've also been having trouble sleeping because of these things. Even now, with no coffee or pop, I still am feeling restless. I'm supposed to be working from home today (editing the book that Bill is editing), but I totally do not feel like working. What I feel like doing is working out and tanning and reading New Moon and maybe cleaning, but I don't have time to do all of that and work.
Today I was orienting Joseph to different things on the computer and phone system when he stopped and said he was having deja-vu. He said that he thinks deja-vu is when you experience something that God has in his plan for you and that he knew he was where he was supposed to be. I thought that was such a great way of thinking of deja-vu. I just really like it. Today I for just a moment in time I experienced what I think was a motherly instinct. I was coming up from the cafetaria and decided to take the route that includes walking past the window of the Mother/Baby Unit where the babies are sometimes laying. There were these two adorable Indian babies who looked like they might have been twins. One in particular was gaggling around and opening her eyes (I felt like she was a girl for some reason) and I was just so happy for a minute and felt like I wanted one. Even as I was walking away I was struck in such an interesting way. Hmm...
I am officially done with my summer class and I am oh-so-happy about it. I don't know what it was about this class, but I was so ready to be done. I hope it's not an indication of the entire program. I don't think so though. A big week at work. We have a new person coming in--Joseph--so our office will be full again. It'll be interesting to see how the dynamic changes with him. Not gonna lie though--it gets frustrating having to constantly orient new people to everything in the office and answer the same questions repeatedly. Just two more groups to get through... I haven't gained any weight since returning from the cruise, which I'm stunned about. I've ate horribly and haven't worked out much at all. I really need to do better and I keep telling myself I'm going to, but it's just so difficult. I need to change my attitude towards food and exercising to how it was before. It's so hard though. I never thought I'd have this much of a st