Old Soul, Young Heart

Even though tomorrow is my last day at my job, it is still so surreal. Thinking about being here every day for the past 3 years and then after tomorrow, never coming back, is a very strange feeling. I can't imagine leaving a job after working somewhere for 30 years or something. On Monday I thought that Philip and I were meeting his hockey friend and his hockey friend's wife at Medici for dinner. As we were waiting for them to arrive, I see my boss and one of my colleagues come over. Then all of a sudden everyone from the department is coming out of the woodwork of the restaurant. A surprise going-away dinner for me. It was fantastic and again, kind of surreal. I was showered with thoughtful words and gifts. I am so lucky to have worked here and am fearful that I'll never have this kind of work experience/relationship again. I think everyone must feel this way when they leave this office. So blessed.

I must say that it is very strange training someone else for my job. Strange, but happily familiar. I can appreciate being new and I'm glad to give advice that I wish I would've had. On the other side of the strangeness, I'm feeling good. It feels like this has been coming. (Well, it should feel that way--since it has been coming and I've been waiting for it for a year. Well, not waiting to leave. But waiting to go .) It feels good to do this final thing; to pass on the knowledge and really see what all I know. I will miss feeling competent. Sad, but true.

"What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul." Jewish Proverb I think it's really interesting that as I get older I see how I am more and more similar to my mother. I'm not sure if this is because of how I'm growing up or if I've always been this way, but I bet it's probably a combination of the two. What I do know is that how she was and how I remember her will always be a part of me, and I will continue to see aspects of her in me throughout my life. One thing that I've really noticed is how emotional I've become. I never understood why I would always find my mom crying at songs and movies and stories on the news. I would often make fun of her for it, actually. Not in a mean way--I would just kind of giggle at the fact that I always felt like she was crying about something that was totally removed from us and our little life here in central Illinois. Yes, it was sad, but it never really effected me the way it seemed to effect her.

Such a beautiful tree in our yard. It's my mom's tree. I can't figure out what kind it is, but I just love it this time of year. I don't remember it ever looking as pretty as it does right now.

Have you graduated from college and ever had someone say something snarky to you about it when you've said or done something stupid on accident? For example: You: [Said or did something stupid on accident.] Other Person: "And you went to college for what?" or "So much for that college education!" My dad did this to me today and it hurt my feelings for three reasons: 1) Graduating from college is a big deal (especially in my family, where my grandma and I are the only ones to have ever done so), but it doesn't automatically make you the master of the universe and smart about everything. 2) The thing that happened had nothing to do with being "smart" and had nothing to do with anything I would ever learn in college. 3) We were on the way to my induction into the honor society for education and it just seemed really inappropriate. I was sad (and on the verge of tears), but then I got to thinking about why those sorts of comments are made. Pe

Relief. (Big breath in, deep sigh out.) I got offered the GA position with Disability Concerns. It feels so good to say that and know it in my head. I'm so glad that it worked out and I'm really excited about what I'll be doing there. And I get paid for it and tuition is waived. Truly fantastic. I am blessed. And now I have to finish that god-forsaken research project. T-minus 5 weeks til England. Eeeee!

The semester finally feels manageable now that I have less than 4 weeks left and I can almost count on one hand the number of things I have to do for school. Just as a recap... Tasks left to do: EDCEP Class - Watch module 6 videos - Take modules 5 & 6 quiz - Watch module 7 videos - Complete module 7 assignment EAF Class - Complete peer review of Omolola's case study - Work on/complete research project The research project will take the most time and, though I've procrastinated quite a bit on it, I don't think I'm in that bad of shape. Lately I've just been feeling like I can only work on one project at a time, otherwise I get overwhelmed and just want to give up. I'm glad that I did put in some work on the project at the beginning and middle of the semester. I have a feeling that everyone in class is in the same boat on this project as I am, which is good. Well, not good--but it's nice sometimes to have people to commiserate with. In other news, Bill

Trying to stay in shape is a constant struggle and I've realized that it will be for my entire life. It doesn't just happen--I have to make purposeful choices every day and it's really difficult. It really is a lifestyle and, although I hate making excuses, I really look forward to when I again have time in the day to actually work out. It's tough.

Didn't get the Honors Program GA. I forgot how much it stings to be rejected. It sucks. It really, really sucks. I've had a different experience with this rejection, though. Christie personally emailed to tell me they chose someone else and offered really great advice to me on my interview after I asked her for feedback. There are just so many things to consider in an interview; I feel like I get so overwhelmed and worried about answering right that I forget what I've even done and how it relates. Pair that with not having much confidence in my own abilities and experiences (at least in regards to student affairs) = not good. All of this is making me wonder, again, if I'm cut out for this. I wonder if I shot myself in the foot for only being a part-time student and not having an assistantship this past year. I sometimes find myself wondering if I really even know anything about student affairs at all. I wish I would've known how competetive this program seems to