Old Soul, Young Heart

The midterm was finished Wednesday. Huge relief to have that done. It was purposeful though because there was a lot of critical thinking about the theories and without that midterm, I don't think I would have remembered the theories as well. Now on to finding a practicum. I'M SO EXCITED! Wednesday in class Ashley and Tabby were there to talk about their experiences. It was helpful, but I still had a lot of questions and we spent a good portion of class having Dr. Phyllis answer them. I still have a lot and I'm not sure how much I'm supposed to ask because we're adults now and we need to step out and take risks and do things on our own without every little thing being approved. So... yesterday I sent my first email to inquire about an internship. At Cambridge University. In the Admissions office for the "Widening Participation Project" which is basically trying to get underpresented individuals to apply. SO NERVOUS. I sent three more today to the Continui

Things can hit hard. Mollie just told me a story about a "miscarriage" here a few years ago at the hospital of a baby who was 19 weeks and 6 days. At less than 20 weeks, they don't do anything for the baby because it more than likely won't survive and even if it does, it will have many health and developmental issues. The baby was born alive, but in this case, it was still considered a miscarriage. She lived for three hours. The parents didn't want to see her, but Mollie was asked to come bless her before she died. Mollie said that the baby's heart was beating--she wasn't even breathing--and that was the only movement happening, but when Mollie touched her forehead to bless her, she moved. She moved! A miracle in its own sense. I recently watched a very graphic video on what the "tissue" looks like from an abortion at around 20 weeks. It's a baby. It has a face and arms and legs. It's disgusting but at the same time beautiful and trag

I've decided to spend more time commemorating where I've been and what I've learned. I see where I want to be and I need to reflect where I've been to truly appreciate it once I'm there. (That was very philosophical, huh?)

I think that everyone should have to work retail at some point in their life. I don't care what you do for a living--there will always be a point when you are serving a customer. There will always be a point when you should be caring, understanding, and helpful towards another human being. For instance, I made a mistake on an invoice at work. I wrote the wrong account number on the invoice, so the bill was paid out of the wrong account. I called Accounting and for about the first 30 seconds, the person was understanding. Since then I've had to call back twice and today when I say who I am, the person says "I don't know!" right off the bat. She didn't even know what I was going to ask, but she assumed I was calling about the previous problem and that she didn't have any answers for me about it. The tone of her voice was annoyance. It was a mistake; I don't fully understand the realm of Accounting because I don't work there! Cut me some slack. We w

So... here I am. It's midterm time and it is brutal. The good part is that I'm learning a lot that I actually find interesting. On Thursday I met with Dr. Phyllis, as she is meeting with all of us in the program individually. I felt good about it because I'm pretty okay face-to-face with people. I was there for a good 45 minutes and it was nice because I got to talk explicitly about my perceived insignificance compared to my peers. She asked about my family, so I had to bring up mom. I can never decide if it's a good thing to talk about that because then people really know a lot about you, but it turned out positive. We talked about BroMenn (her husband works there) and we talked a lot about practicum. It's nice because I didn't feel like I really had to impress her, as I often did with professors in undergraduate. I do have to impress her with coursework, but maybe not when I'm meeting with her outside of class. Outside of class it feels more like a colle

I am so grateful that my boss is so openminded. I wouldn't be able to do this without him supporting my education the way he does. There are times when I really wonder if I should quit working at BroMenn and do school full-time because I feel as though I'm missing out on crucial social and university events, but then I remember that I need to fund my education somehow. I'm not sure how things will work when I only have an assistantship... I will either have to borrow from my dad or take out a loan. I'll probably do a loan because I don't like relying on my dad at age 25 for money. Others my age aren't, so why should I? I'm lucky enough to live at home and eliminate that huge expense. Really I should be saving a good portion of my income that I instead am spending frivolously on things I don't need. I'm not thinking too hard about how much England will cost. I think it'll work out. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about how much I feel li

Fantastic time at Michele and Miriam's in Urbana last night to celebrate Michele's 35th birthday. I'm so glad that her and I have stayed fairly close even though she's in Urbana and I'm here. She's one of the few friends I have that is near my age. It's so amazing to me that I can be such good friends with people who are so different than me. Michele has experienced the world; she's 10 years older than I am. Ten years isn't that much, I know, but she has done so many more things than I will do in the next 10 years. She's so open-minded and receptive even though I am a young and naive idiot. I feel as though I have nothing to offer, but she's one of my best friends. It's cool.

I'm feeling pretty good about school tonight, which is a change. After meeting with Dr. Marcia, I have some more information about practicum and graduate assistantship for next year. Now it's just a matter of waiting... until next month to start emailing universities in England about doing an internship there... until February before the assistantships start opening up. I hate waiting. These are some nerve-racking things to go through because it will test my competence. I feel like others have the advantage, but I am okay at putting my thoughts together if I have time to prepare and I'm a pretty personable person, so I think I might have a chance. My hope is to get on somewhere at Cambridge University, though I still have some more research to do. They don't necessarily have a "Dean of Students" or a specific student affairs department like colleges here in the United States do and that makes it tricky because I'm not sure where I'll fit in. I really h