I am so grateful that my boss is so openminded. I wouldn't be able to do this without him supporting my education the way he does. There are times when I really wonder if I should quit working at BroMenn and do school full-time because I feel as though I'm missing out on crucial social and university events, but then I remember that I need to fund my education somehow. I'm not sure how things will work when I only have an assistantship... I will either have to borrow from my dad or take out a loan. I'll probably do a loan because I don't like relying on my dad at age 25 for money. Others my age aren't, so why should I? I'm lucky enough to live at home and eliminate that huge expense. Really I should be saving a good portion of my income that I instead am spending frivolously on things I don't need. I'm not thinking too hard about how much England will cost. I think it'll work out.
Last night I couldn't stop thinking about how much I feel like I've put into this relationship with Philip and how little I feel like I've gotten out of it--as if you're supposed to get something out of a relationship? It was after we got back from the Blues game in St. Louis and he only said thank you for the tickets in passing once the whole evening. He had acted sort of excited prior, kind of excited during, and disappointed after (because they had lost the game). I was calculating in my head how much the whole experience had cost for me. The tickets altogether for the two of us were around $160. $10 for parking. He paid for gas and we had split our meals and the hotel. I had tried so hard to get the perfect tickets--something he would be excited about, and he was. I was just picturing what my reaction would be if he did something so special for me. I would be drenching him in gratitude and smothering him in compliments about the experience--it's just the way I am, maybe. I want to be appreciative of things that take others a lot of planning and thought. My perception of his lack of appreciation made me the detest the whole weekend pretty much and I wish I wouldn't have even done it. I kept wondering if I often feel this way when I try to do nice things for him and I decided that I do. I never learn the lesson though, to just not do it next time. I care about him and I want him to be happy, so of course I want to do nice things for him. I don't do things that so he'll drench me with gratitude and smother me with compliments, but it gets old not ever being recognized for what you've done out of the goodness of your heart. I don't expect to be repaid and I don't expect on my next birthday to have $80 tickets to some event that I love. All I want, I guess, is some sign that you care and that you're glad I did what I did for you. That's all.
Last night I couldn't stop thinking about how much I feel like I've put into this relationship with Philip and how little I feel like I've gotten out of it--as if you're supposed to get something out of a relationship? It was after we got back from the Blues game in St. Louis and he only said thank you for the tickets in passing once the whole evening. He had acted sort of excited prior, kind of excited during, and disappointed after (because they had lost the game). I was calculating in my head how much the whole experience had cost for me. The tickets altogether for the two of us were around $160. $10 for parking. He paid for gas and we had split our meals and the hotel. I had tried so hard to get the perfect tickets--something he would be excited about, and he was. I was just picturing what my reaction would be if he did something so special for me. I would be drenching him in gratitude and smothering him in compliments about the experience--it's just the way I am, maybe. I want to be appreciative of things that take others a lot of planning and thought. My perception of his lack of appreciation made me the detest the whole weekend pretty much and I wish I wouldn't have even done it. I kept wondering if I often feel this way when I try to do nice things for him and I decided that I do. I never learn the lesson though, to just not do it next time. I care about him and I want him to be happy, so of course I want to do nice things for him. I don't do things that so he'll drench me with gratitude and smother me with compliments, but it gets old not ever being recognized for what you've done out of the goodness of your heart. I don't expect to be repaid and I don't expect on my next birthday to have $80 tickets to some event that I love. All I want, I guess, is some sign that you care and that you're glad I did what I did for you. That's all.
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