Old Soul, Young Heart

I realize that I am such a blessed person, but sometimes I can't help but be annoyed that at 25 I have experienced very little culture and very few cultured places. I think that I have traveled quite a bit so far, but I've never really experienced anywhere. I look back on Europe and get so frustrated with my 16 year old self. I was in Paris, Nice, Monaco, Italy, and Switzerland and did not pay attention to anything. I didn't spend any time looking out the window or marveling at buildings and landscape the way I should have. I didn't take pictures of the things that mattered. I was there--granted, in five different countries in nine days--but I was there, and I didn't care. I was excited, but I had no idea the magnitude of the trip I was taking. Some people never leave the country they're born in and I went to Europe when I was 16 as my first trip really anywhere. Not only all of that, but I don't even remember thanking my parents for paying for it. I wou...

Reflecting on the past two class periods... I've decided that I have no group and that everyone else does. I try not to let it bother me because I have to remember that it's not because I'm a person that people don't want to get to know. I realize it's because all of them work together at assistantships and also have another together on Monday. Not being a part of the group is just a biproduct of working full-time and only going to school part-time. I get it. It's just hard sometimes to feel like I don't belong and that I have nothing in common with people. The majority of them are quite a bit younger and have a lot more experience than I do in student affairs, which sucks because I feel like the underdog. I've learned a lot and sort of still feel like I'll be good at it--I just feel like I'll be less good at it than my peers. ...Sigh...

All I had on the brain today was not being at work and not being in central Illinois, which translates to: all I had on the brain today was being in England and/or moving away and "starting over." I will savor my time in the CSPA program, but I am just so anxious already for it to be over so that I can start my life as an adult.

Maybe I'm just a snob, but I don't understand what's so hard about writing a paper that actually has been thought about and, in turn, has meaning. Oh yeah, then there's the part about it actually pertaining to what was assigned. Wow.

T'is September. I am happy for that. It's been on and off autumn weather and I wish it would be here for good. Life has officially settled down, but I'm still overwhelmed with homework and need to put together a schedule somehow. I hate being a procrastinator, but you can't really help it when you're busy with other things all of the time. I have a five page paper due on Tuesday and I only have tomorrow to finish it. Five pages isn't that much, but I feel like every word has to be important in graduate school. I feel like this assignment could've been three pages and it would've sufficed for what I have to write about. I hate bullshitting to fill up space. The assignment I worked on today had to be two pages and I was suffering through that even. I just don't think I'm a wordy person. I can get to my point fairly efficiently. Maybe I'm not able to expand on my thoughts as much as I should, or maybe I just don't have enough thoughts in g...

Today has been quite a spectacular day. It's nice to have a whole day free to do whatever, and have the day not go as fast as it typically does. Very nice, indeed. I'm excited because I finally put together my application for the graduate certificate program in academic advising at Kansas State University. It's all online and is five extra classes. Two of the classes count as electives--even though for me only one will. The easiest way to explain it is because I should've started this certificate program earlier. It's okay... I wanted to take vocational counseling anyway. Tomorrow I will print everything at work and send it off in the mail. I'm wondering how long it'll take to hear back if I got in or not. I don't think it's a big issue about getting in. I just get anxious to know so that I can plan the future. More reading to do... outside!

Life for now is getting more into a settled mode, I think. It's refreshing because for the past couple of weeks things have been crazy. In a few more weeks it'll be back to normal in basically every way. The book at work was really overwhelming for a little while. We sent it off to the publisher to approve some sample pages, and then when we get the go-ahead we can send the entire thing. I will be scared, but it'll be nice when it's completely off my hands. We had two graduations in the past two weeks. The old residents are done and the new ones arrive in a week. So, this week at work will be cleaning and tiding up and getting everything prepared for the new group. Once the new group starts, things will settle down quite a bit. And school started. I have yet to kind of find a schedule to get everything done. By the time class is over on Wednesday night, it basically already feels like the weekend and then I only have 1-2 days to finish reading for the next class! It...