It's amazing how the littlest things can set you over the edge.
A few hours ago this morning I got a phone call from a pastor. I didn't know what he needed, but I took his phone number to have the person he needed call him back. I got the number wrong when I read it back to him because he said it too fast. Here's how the rest of the conversation went from there...
Him: Can you tell if a patient has been discharged?
Me: No, I'm not able to look that up, but...
Him: Nooooo [very denigrating tone]... What I asked was... Can you tell me if a patient has been discharged?
Me: I can connect you to the switchboard and they can do that.
Him: What's your name?
Me: Sara...
Him: How long have you worked there?
Me: Two years.
Him: Oh, it seems like you're new. Either you're new or you're really busy.
Me: Uh... sorry? I'll connect you to the switchboard.
First of all, what is the purpose of saying that to me? He might as well have told me that I'm an idiot and there's no way I have worked here for two years because I obviously don't know what I'm doing. Second, what the hell was his problem? Who cares if I got a few things wrong in our interaction? People make mistakes. It's not like there was any major communication issue happening. All he had to do was repeat himself. (Oh, I forgot that a pastor's time is so much more valuable than mine or any other person's.) Third, why did he have to ask for my name? What was he going to do? Tell my supervisor that I'm a babbling fool?
So after I got off the phone with him, I sat thinking about what had just happened. It really got to me, enough where I had to spend 10 minutes in the bathroom crying. How dare he basically tell me that I'm bad at my job! How can one person, after two years of nothing but positive feedback about my performance here, make me feel so bad about myself? He literally made me feel like I was not good enough.
At this point I decide to find out who he is and Google him. I won't mention his name in case he Googles himself (wouldn't put it past him...) and finds this post. Anyway, I come up with a hit for a Pantagraph article. Really all that comes up on the blurb is his name, his background in business, and the church he works at.
While scanning the article for the pastor's name, I was interested to see that my colleague was mentioned in the article. I continued reading, and was livid thereafter.
Just to set the stage: My colleague's work keeps her in her office, and not out and about within the healthcare facility. She works in a department that, at the time, had only seven other people in it, including myself. Five of those seven voted for Barack Obama, including myself. So, let's tally.... six out of the eight people in our department voted for Barack Obama.
I think what pisses me off is that I know how she is. I experience her as someone who is good at making bold statements that may or may not be completely truthful, but if they sound good, she can say them with a type of conviction that makes you believe her. (She would make a great politician!) What also pisses me off is that she knows us and knows how we voted. Even if we didn't vote the way we did, how does she know that whatever tension and silence there may or may not have been the day after the election was because a (half) black man was elected president? How does she even get off making those kinds of assumptions?
So I mustered up enough balls to go ask her about it. She said yes, it was her and that she had said those things and that she was indeed talking about the tension in our office. She said that no one even mentioned that he had won, there was no celebration, etc. Several things come to mind for me:
A few hours ago this morning I got a phone call from a pastor. I didn't know what he needed, but I took his phone number to have the person he needed call him back. I got the number wrong when I read it back to him because he said it too fast. Here's how the rest of the conversation went from there...
Him: Can you tell if a patient has been discharged?
Me: No, I'm not able to look that up, but...
Him: Nooooo [very denigrating tone]... What I asked was... Can you tell me if a patient has been discharged?
Me: I can connect you to the switchboard and they can do that.
Him: What's your name?
Me: Sara...
Him: How long have you worked there?
Me: Two years.
Him: Oh, it seems like you're new. Either you're new or you're really busy.
Me: Uh... sorry? I'll connect you to the switchboard.
First of all, what is the purpose of saying that to me? He might as well have told me that I'm an idiot and there's no way I have worked here for two years because I obviously don't know what I'm doing. Second, what the hell was his problem? Who cares if I got a few things wrong in our interaction? People make mistakes. It's not like there was any major communication issue happening. All he had to do was repeat himself. (Oh, I forgot that a pastor's time is so much more valuable than mine or any other person's.) Third, why did he have to ask for my name? What was he going to do? Tell my supervisor that I'm a babbling fool?
So after I got off the phone with him, I sat thinking about what had just happened. It really got to me, enough where I had to spend 10 minutes in the bathroom crying. How dare he basically tell me that I'm bad at my job! How can one person, after two years of nothing but positive feedback about my performance here, make me feel so bad about myself? He literally made me feel like I was not good enough.
At this point I decide to find out who he is and Google him. I won't mention his name in case he Googles himself (wouldn't put it past him...) and finds this post. Anyway, I come up with a hit for a Pantagraph article. Really all that comes up on the blurb is his name, his background in business, and the church he works at.
While scanning the article for the pastor's name, I was interested to see that my colleague was mentioned in the article. I continued reading, and was livid thereafter.
Just to set the stage: My colleague's work keeps her in her office, and not out and about within the healthcare facility. She works in a department that, at the time, had only seven other people in it, including myself. Five of those seven voted for Barack Obama, including myself. So, let's tally.... six out of the eight people in our department voted for Barack Obama.
I think what pisses me off is that I know how she is. I experience her as someone who is good at making bold statements that may or may not be completely truthful, but if they sound good, she can say them with a type of conviction that makes you believe her. (She would make a great politician!) What also pisses me off is that she knows us and knows how we voted. Even if we didn't vote the way we did, how does she know that whatever tension and silence there may or may not have been the day after the election was because a (half) black man was elected president? How does she even get off making those kinds of assumptions?
So I mustered up enough balls to go ask her about it. She said yes, it was her and that she had said those things and that she was indeed talking about the tension in our office. She said that no one even mentioned that he had won, there was no celebration, etc. Several things come to mind for me:
1) Is it even appropriate to talk about politics at work?
a) If yes, should we be celebrating any win in the office? What kind of celebration is she even talking about? Wouldn't this be completely disrespectful for those who didn't vote for him?
2) There might have been tension in the office for a variety of reasons that day that may or may not have had anything to do with the election. Why does she automatically assume that it's because Barack Obama won, and why, out of all the reasons someone could not want Barack Obama to win, would the tension be because of his race?
She went into about a 10 minute sermon about what the situation was and why she said what she did. I could barely get a word in edgewise. The thing that got me is that towards the end of the schpeel, she said something about all the issues having racial undertones to it. Maybe I don't get it because I'm white, but why does everything have to be, to some degree, about race? OF COURSE the election had racial implications, and I get that. OF COURSE I recognize that social dynamics are shaped by demographics such as race. But racial tension in a progressive, liberal, open, diverse, and loving Spiritual Care department? Please. I think it boiled down to her wanting attention.
I was left feeling severely betrayed. Now I'm going to wonder if she thinks I'm doing something or not doing something because of her race, and that's pathetic.
Although she didn't disclose where she worked, I'm sure many of the 2000+ people who work at BroMenn saw that article and automatically thought of our department. I'm embarrassed if this is the case, but I would also be embarrassed if I were her because she knows us and knows we aren't like that.
Oh, and rude pastor also put his two cents in about how when he was a businessman that white people did not like to see black people in leadership roles...
She went into about a 10 minute sermon about what the situation was and why she said what she did. I could barely get a word in edgewise. The thing that got me is that towards the end of the schpeel, she said something about all the issues having racial undertones to it. Maybe I don't get it because I'm white, but why does everything have to be, to some degree, about race? OF COURSE the election had racial implications, and I get that. OF COURSE I recognize that social dynamics are shaped by demographics such as race. But racial tension in a progressive, liberal, open, diverse, and loving Spiritual Care department? Please. I think it boiled down to her wanting attention.
I was left feeling severely betrayed. Now I'm going to wonder if she thinks I'm doing something or not doing something because of her race, and that's pathetic.
Although she didn't disclose where she worked, I'm sure many of the 2000+ people who work at BroMenn saw that article and automatically thought of our department. I'm embarrassed if this is the case, but I would also be embarrassed if I were her because she knows us and knows we aren't like that.
Oh, and rude pastor also put his two cents in about how when he was a businessman that white people did not like to see black people in leadership roles...
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