I hate that I'm doubting my skills and abilities and gifts while in this graduate program. I really thought I was over it after last semester, but it just keeps creeping up. I meet with my advisor, I meet with my professor, I get good grades, I enjoy the work, but I still feel absolutely unqualified compared to my peers. And that's a terrible feeling. I know it's not a competition, but it sort of is in certain ways. Right now, anyway. Lately my feelings of inadequacy have been so bad that I feel like I don't even belong in this program--like it was a huge mistake because I have no experience (true!) and don't even know if I'll really even be good at it (true!). After a year, it's still a hunch that I'll love it.

After learning about these offices the past few weeks I can't help but feel like I was jipped a little bit in my undergraduate. I mean, I didn't get THE best grades possible but there were so many opportunities that I didn't know about that I wish I would've because I could've had some really great experiences. For example, why didn't my advisor tell me that I could be a peer advisor with University College and basically get paid to be a student academic advisor? My advisor knew that I was interested in her job--I came to her and talked to her about it. Why wouldn't she suggest that to me? I think I had a disadvantage in that way by coming to ISU as a transfer student. I mean, my path has been completely different than probably 98% of the kids in this program with me and I get that and appreciate it. It's just so discouraging to feel like I have nothing to offer.

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