I just made a really stupid mistake at work and I've been sitting here for half an hour trying to debrief with myself about why and how it happened. The range of thoughts during this time has been "I have too much on my plate and can't handle details as well right now" to "People overreact and this doesn't even matter." I feel very badly about it and I'm having a hard time accepting anything fully except for "I should have known better." That's all it comes down to and it's hard to admit to that. And when I tell my supervisor about it, that's all I can really say. I can't explain it away, even though I want to say a lot of things to redirect the blame. But it's my fault and I have no good reason. I just should have known better and I'm sorry.
I'm trying to decipher why I'm feeling nervous right now, but I've been having trouble pinpointing it. I've been wondering if it's because the time is getting nearer, but I really don't think that's it. I'm more excited than anything. Prior to today, I think I was nervous because I'm not 100% sure what the work I'll be doing at Cambridge will be like. However, this morning I talked to John, my supervisor, on the phone and essentially we just chatted again about things I already knew, but it was good to actually hear them from a human, rather from an email. I feel good about it now. About going to England, I was also wondering if my nervousness was because of the flight--but up until I was wondering that, I had never before considered that I was nervous about it. Again, I get more excited than nervous about such things. I've also considered that it might be because I have this paper due tomorrow, but that can't possibly be it because it...
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