Motherless Daughters 2.0


Remember about a year ago when I wrote about a book that I found randomly on Pinterest called Motherless Daughters? If you don't, here's what I wrote about it on Dec 21, 2011.
Motherless Daughters was pretty much all I had hoped it would be. There were several quotes in there that hit me in my gut, that made me feel as though I'm not alone in this life that has been forever changed because my mother died when I was 19. Sometimes I feel a little crazy because of it--like I'm reacting wrong or just plain overreacting--because I have no one in my life that truly understands what it's been like for me. (I'm not trying to be dramatic about this; it is just a fact of who I am. There is no other component of my person or my personality that is as pervasive to who I am as the fact that I am a motherless daughter. It enters into every part of my life, pretty much every day.) It's made me feel better about my experiences as a motherless daughter and about my future as one. I might have to buy this book and keep it with me throughout my life. I'm grateful that I ran across it when I did, since I'm having such a hard time right now without my mom being here for my wedding planning.
This week has been weirdly, unexpectedly hard for me for some reason. I know what triggered it, but I can't shake it. And now I've gone to a place where all I want is my mom; a place where I think that she would be the only one who would understand and unconditionally listen and love me. Rationally I know that's not true. Emotionally I don't feel that way right now.

Last night I remembered that book. And I thought that I bought it a year ago, but after searching my bookshelf, apparently I didn't. I'm really wishing that I had it right now. It is officially purchased from Amazon and I'm hoping it arrives soon.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Well, I found out for sure today that my supervisor at the Accommodations Office is not leaving. I'm not gonna lie... I'm pretty bummed about it. I had sort of decided that being here for the next few years would be perfect for me. I wasn't banking on the fact that he'd leave (after all, it wasn't a fact), but I just spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if he did and now that he's not... well... yeah, I'm just bummed. I'm glad that I asked, though, because now I can take my job search more seriously. Not that I wasn't taking it seriously before, but now I know that being at ISU in that capacity isn't an option anymore and I can put all of my energy into other things. There isn't much happening on the job front here, though. I've only applied for one job in the area; all of the others I've applied for are in Las Vegas and Denver. I think it would be cool to move away for a few years, but it's not ideal. I...
Read more
So the situation with the parent has been, I guess, about 75% resolved. Cecilia did some investigating and it sounds like the whole thing was pretty much pointless (the student doesn't even need the class?!). I'm annoyed and frustrated because the mother took a completely different angle with Cecilia, which probably makes me look worse. Cecilia reassured me that I did fine and that I shouldn't worry about it. I still feel awful; that mother said some very hurtful things that will probably stick with me for awhile. I still feel like crying about the whole thing. I hate feeling incompetent, but the thing that's worse is that I'm worried that Cecilia doesn't think I'm a good advisor. She doesn't know me well enough to know that I care, that I listen, and that I'm patient and understanding. All she knows is what she hears from other people and, unfortunately, this parent probably had a lot of bad things to say about me, which really just came from a pl...
Read more

20 Years Ago - NCHS Color Guard Takes Europe

Image
I was recently reminded of our high school trip to Europe, which happened 20 years ago during this time of year--December 26, 2000 through January 3, 2001. It's wild that this event was more than half my life ago! I felt like going down memory lane and writing about the journey, so henceforth commences my first blog post of 2021, commemorating a long-ago adventure during simpler times (pre-9/11, pre-adulthood, pre-any type of responsibility). The whole music department at Normal Community High School went--marching band, color guard, choir, and orchestra--and we all had performances whilst overseas. I was 16 years old and it didn't register to me at the time how big of a deal it was. I totally took the experience for granted, but, with the proper hindsight now, I'm super grateful. It couldn't have been cheap and I don't think my parents had that kind of disposable income readily available. I wish I could go back in time and truly take it all in, appreciate it fully,...
Read more