Every day after class I have the same feeling--I'm not cut out for this. I feel like such an idiot. I just need some reassurance that I'll be okay and that I'll do a good job. I almost feel like at this point that I need to talk to Dr. Phyllis or Dr. Marcia about it. I mean, I know I won't give up because I don't do that. I just... I don't know. I think if I was friends with the kids in my classes that I would feel better. I don't know anyone even after all this time and I don't expect them to try to get to know me--I'm only in one class with them this semester so what do I expect? They all have three classes together and many live and/or work together too. I just feel so awkward and like I don't belong to the point where I don't even want to be there sometimes. And that sucks. I just keep telling myself that it'll get better. It has to!
I'm trying to decipher why I'm feeling nervous right now, but I've been having trouble pinpointing it. I've been wondering if it's because the time is getting nearer, but I really don't think that's it. I'm more excited than anything. Prior to today, I think I was nervous because I'm not 100% sure what the work I'll be doing at Cambridge will be like. However, this morning I talked to John, my supervisor, on the phone and essentially we just chatted again about things I already knew, but it was good to actually hear them from a human, rather from an email. I feel good about it now. About going to England, I was also wondering if my nervousness was because of the flight--but up until I was wondering that, I had never before considered that I was nervous about it. Again, I get more excited than nervous about such things. I've also considered that it might be because I have this paper due tomorrow, but that can't possibly be it because it...
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